Something I felt like sharing today.
If you have ever felt the same, comment in the section below!
I know I am not alone.
It took a lot of courage to write this.
I have never known how to feel about this one.
Still figuring it out.
Withdrawal.
Its been almost a year and a half.
I haven't gone back to it.
I don't think I will anytime soon.
Something I have been doing since the age of 6.
Twice every week! Sometimes more!
Tours, shows, exams, rehearsals.
Katthak (The Indian Classical Dance Style)
has been a very intricate part of my life.
However, among all the things I did in the past 15 years,
I don't want to even slightly touch that side of my life anymore.
This is the biggest withdrawal I have experienced.
I don't want to see it,
Practice it, or even talk about it.
I know writing has always helped me.
In expressing my every feeling.
This withdrawal is a long one.
What do I do??
Do I still bring myself to do it even though I know I don't want to?
I feel I am supposed to keep practicing it.
Everyone around me tells me so.
But I know I get caught up in the "suppose to's" of life.
I certainly don't want to get caught up in this one.
And I tried. I danced with my ghungrus (Dancing bells we wear at ankles)
But every anxious feeling came flooding back and that was not easy.
Anxious memories came too.
I know not everyone will support this.
Some might say, suck it up!
But making peace with this withdrawal is what I want to do.
I never had to make peace with giving up.
But I made it.
I gave up. Finally.
I gave up struggling and fighting this feeling.
I want to pay attention to it. And take care of it.
I don't say I will never go back.
I will.
I remind myself everyday, that it's just a phase.
A phase of peace,
A phase of taking a break and reviving what it felt like before.
Until me and my body will feel the passion again,
I will embrace my struggle and keep moving on.
P.s: Thank you so much for all the love on my previous episodes. This journey is going to be a long one and I hope we share it together every week.
Stay tuned for the next episode on next Thursday. Keep showering your love and take care of your health. Physical as well as mental. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. You can also connect to me
via email- aishd19@gmail.com
or via Instagram account name -@callmeaishwarya - https://www.instagram.com/callmeaishwarya/?hl=en
Until then,
Keep smiling!
