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Saying 'NO'

The first thing I faced as a challenge. As a kid and as an adult was saying 'NO'. Saying NO because my authentic self said 'no'.

I tried many ways. The first was - Lying ! "Hey Ash, I really need help for my assignment tonight. Will you be able to come over? "Hey! Oh no! I have 102° fever! Bed-ridden since yesterday :(

I wish I could move.. I would have literally run to you!" This worked out pretty well. However, the fear of being caught dominated my mind the next few hours. Maybe lie once or twice more to cover up the first one.

Oh wait, lets make a story out of it, that will be more convincing. The second was blaming someone/something else. 

"Hey! I really really want to but my mom is taking me to a family get-together". 

She is hard to convince! You know her". (Sorry Mommy)

Or 

"Hey! I really want to but my laptop just crashed! I am in the shop getting it done". The situations were true many times. But not as bad as they sound. The third was half truth half lie! One of my favourites! This is where, if you get caught. You have some truth in the story which covers up the rest of the lie. "Oh no! I want to! But my cousin is coming over and just planned a pizza and movie night with her."

The fourth was Career Resurrection!

"Gosh! I feel you, I just started my studying, got a paper tomorrow! I wish I could help!"

Or  "Sorry ya, Stuck at work".

This one was generally safest as no one could actually crosscheck! Wohoho!

All these excuses I used, never really kept me at peace. 

Even after years of practising, I still haven't mastered it.

I got caught, I hurt feelings, it was a massacre.

However, the saying 'NO' situations did not stop coming.

I felt the need to change it. 

I felt the need to be honest to others and especially to myself. 

I wanted something that was the truth, not hurting and not burdening.

Well, finally I found my way! 

Every sitcom, every movie, every book I read had an ending with the truth, forgiveness and reunion. 

I knew what I had to do.

Polite and words right.

"Hey, I am so sorry, I understand it must be tough with the assignment.

I already made plans with myself tonight. Maybe some other time?"

Even if I am doing nothing.

Lying down and counting the number of spins the ceiling fan did in a minute, 

That's what I wanted to do, that was authentic, that was the truth and that was pure.

Now, I feel better, I don't hurt feelings and I never feel guilt. 

Because I chose to take care of myself. 

I chose to not to hurt anyone in it.

And still I chose to say 'NO'.

I realized, sometimes, its okay to be selfish.

P.s: Thank you so much for all the love on my previous episodes. This journey is going to be a long one and I hope we share it together every week.  Stay tuned for the next episode on next Thursday. Keep showering your love and take care of your health. Physical as well as mental. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. You can also connect to me  via email-  aishd19@gmail.com or via Instagram account name -@callmeaishwarya - https://www.instagram.com/callmeaishwarya/?hl=en Until then,  Keep smiling!


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